The best type of people you could possibly have in your life are the ones who really listen you, your thoughts , different and crazy theories , your complaints. I was fortunate enough to have had so many such people. But ever since school finished and everyone got busy in their own schedule- college, classes , etc. I went on to lose many such people from my life.
I had always given my 100% in any realtion I shared with anyone. But what I always got I respomse was betrayal of one form or another. I was someone who had so many “friends” and I considered each one a true friend . However now it feels that was only from my side. So after nearly 1 year after school I am left with people I could count on one hand whom I am friends with and I am today not even sure that for how long they will be with me.
I love talking and keeping my thoughts locked inside was never my thing. I like to express whatever I think about a particular thing to my friend. But again I don’t have many people to go and talk to about my problems, my insecurities , my instincts,my complains. And I have been told not much ago by more than 2 of my friends( from my handful one’s) that there is no use talking about things which we cannot change and crimping. But for me my friends are those who have the strength to look into me and help me. Talk to me . Most importantly LISTEN to me without judging me. I dont what them to be ones who only talk about good things and take a step back when there are some major issues I had lije to talk to them about. I had known such people for very long who did all these things for me. As of now no one is doing that for me. I fell left all alone to face the world. I fell like tree who looses all its leaves when it gets cold and are there only when its sunny.
I have now build a shell -a hard one- around me whuch is impossible to penetrate into easily. Today I think thousand time before telling someone what I am actually thinking and feeling. I dont know for how long I am going to be like this. And probably I won’t open to people like I ever used to. I do talk today also with many people about various things but I am not sure if I will talk about my perspective easily like before.
P.S :I know this can be boring to read but I had to tell someone who wouldn’t judge me.